Hmmmm nothing more nothing less

Hmm....That is how I feel right now (if one can feel hmm). Do you ever just wonder about everything? What if this had happened, what if I do this what will happen... No not regrets or anything like that just reflection. I have been thinking a lot of my choices and the choices I have for tomorrow. Our choices are what make us up, sometimes they work out and other times they don't, yet they all build tomorrow.

I know someone that died in a car accident a few days back, his funeral was yesterday. It made me think of my own mortality. I will not be on this planet forever, I better damn well make it good while I can. He was only 25 years old, which is way too young! I started thinking about life and how one minute a person can be filled with energy and the next that energy is all gone. For me that is odd to think, I cannot understand death at all. Really I don't think anyone can understand death.

I started talking with my mom about death and I told her that I do not believe we can have the knowledge as to what happens when we die. That is something we can never know, and anyone who thinks they can is quite honestly arrogant. I have said this so many times, but I can't know what happens tomorrow, a week, a year, or when I die. What makes anyone think they can understand the end? There is no way to know the end until you get there. And once you are there that is it, there is no turning back to tell the rest of us (none that I can know about anyway).

It has also made me start to think of the randomness in life. The question is do we have a plan on this earth or are we all just here. Honestly for me it depends on the day as to which one I pick. Some days things just happen that make me think wow, something else had to help in this situation. But then there are times we things happen for no reason I can understand, so that makes me wonder if we are just here. Right now I am kind of thinking we are just here. We make choices but really it is random as to what will happen next. The choices of everyone else combined determines what will happen next. That's what scares me, no matter how hard we plan and lay out the course there will always be bumps and detours. The question becomes how do we navigate those detours without getting lost of the path or final goal? So yeah............

Clearly I should spend less time in philosophy classes, this is what they cause. Pondering questions that can never be answered, yet wanting so much to understand. That wanting to understand life is where people (Not me but other people) cling onto religion. They feel it answers the questions to their life. Maybe in the end all of the answers are correct it's just a matter of when they're correct, but really who knows?