Who are you?

I have a site counter on my blog, so I know people read it. The only problem is I don't know who they are! And really it drives me mad. I have some very loyal readers, but I want to know who you are? I know some of them, I know Megan, Robert, and Sadie read it, but the rest I am lost. So if you are reading this I would love to know who you are? I also would love to know why people read this blog? I am kind of boring without many interesting things to say.

This past weekend I went to the movies with a friend and watched "Thank you for smoking". This is a Sundance Film about the spokesperson for big tobacco. It is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. After watching I felt I needed to go light up. If you ever wanted to be a lobbyist you must watch this film.

I have two weeks left of Executive training and then I will finally be placed in a store. The training has gone very well. In the past weeks I have had some interesting things happen. I have met the VP for Target and the FOS for Target, both of which are pretty high position at our corporate office. It is kind of funny, with both of their visits I was mistaken as a corporate guy because the people in the stores had no clue who I was and I happened to pop in each store just as they were visiting.

There is one sad thing about being in my position at work. I have met some cute guys who happen to be gay. The problem is I am over them, which creates an dilemma. I am not allowed to date people below me or people who I supervise (at any time I may be the supervisor of the store and all 250+ team members). If I started dating one of them we would have to work at different stores or one of us must quit. I guess it is probably best to have these rules though, mixing work and relationships never works well. It has kind of scared me from getting to know some of them, I don't want to give off he image that I am interested or flirting with any of them. It sucks though, because I would like to start dating again. I haven't really gone out since last year (yeah a few dates here and there, but nothing serious). It is time!

So anyway, that is my boring life update.

My ego.

My ego is getting pretty big at work. I have to make sure I don't let it get out of control. I was walking in the store the other day and a guest came up to me and asked me if I was the manager. Funny thing is, I was! That says clearly I am doing something right that it is easy to tell who is leading the store. That is one of the things I have been told I need to do. I need to make sure that if someone walks in the store they can tell who the Executives are and who the team members are.

I was also in a different store today and when I walked in people thought I was someone from corporate office. They got a little scared for a minute, because tomorrow they are having some corporate executives in the store doing an inspection. When I walked in and started walking the floor and asking "Can I help you find something" it scared them. A few of the team members made a point to come introduce themselves, thinking I was someone special. I had to disappoint them because I am special, just not that special.

I have enjoyed my training so far, no two days have been alike as of yet (I am sure at some point they will). By the time I am done with my training I will have worked in every store except for West Jordan and the new South Jordan store. Tomorrow I get to go to Orem at 6 am, which I am not looking forward to. It seems every time I have to travel to the furthest stores I have to be there quite early and can't sleep the night before. Anyway, I was bored and this is all I had to write about, sorry it's boring.

Peeps are gross!

(Not my postcard)

I have kind of been feeling down lately. I know why and I am going to fix it. I haven't been to the therapist in awhile because of scheduling conflicts with my new job. I also stopped taking the medication I was on because I didn't think it was working. Since then I have kind of started feeling how I once did. I figured I probably should start again, it may have been helping more than I knew. It's kind of lonely living alone sometimes. But hey, it is all good!

In other news, I have had some very interesting things happen to me at work. One of the first days I was leading the store we had a lost child and a kid fall out of a shopping cart. We had to call the paramedics for the kid who fell. Then a few days later, once again I was leading the store and we had a staff member have a stroke. Once again the paramedics had to be called to the store and she was rushed to the hospital. Then last night, once again I was leading the store and we had a suspicious package left in front of the building. No one knew who put it there or what was in it. So once again we had to call the police. This is starting to become routine to have some emergency crew at the store. I guess it is good training though, because no one can teach you how to react in situations such as these.

Sorry but you can't have my money.

At one point in my life I worked for a political organization. With this work I met many people, I traded phone numbers, emails, and joined many mailing lists. Recently some of those trades have found me again. Yesterday I had some missed calls from a number I didn't know. The way I do things is if you aren't in my phone book then I probably don't want to talk to you, so I don't answer. I started looking back and noticed I had a few missed calls from the same number (801-363-9449 call it see who answers) but they didn't leave a message, so that made me wonder.

My logic was they must have something important to tell me or they wouldn't have called again. So me being bold, maybe a little stalkerish (I'll let you pick), I decided to call the number the back. When I called someone picked up, which I wasn't prepared for (I had no idea what I was going to do should someone answer). They started in with the whole thing they say when answering phones. It was a workers union (Jobs with Justice) calling me to donate money. I kind of felt dumb after calling them, I had to play dumb like it was an accident that I dialed the number.

I do have one question about the group Jobs with Jusitce, are they the ones who have been picketing Oakland Construction with the "shame on you" signs? Because really I think that group needs to give up, they have been picketing for years and clearly it has helped. They even picket Target because we use Oakland Construction. The protestors also need to work on their PR. They have been doing this for years and it wasn't until a week ago I found out why they were protesting. If you have that much determination you should try to get your message out there more than just a "shame on you" sign.

I haven't been involved with a political group in awhile, yet they all still want my money. And they aren't the only ones who call. Thanks to Arlyn I get the calls from the Democrats (probably won't get my money either). I also get things from Rock the Vote trying to get me to give money. Now these are all great groups and if I could I would donate money. But really I like my money right now and I would like to keep it. There is no need to go donating it, buying things is way more fun!

Also, as for the peeling tongue I did some research it is most likely caused by a nutrition deficiency. I have discovered the tongue is the "gateway to our digestive track" and you can tell problems just from looking at the tongue. I have started taking a multi-vitamin to help fix the problem.

No shit, there I was...with a peeling tongue.

So no shit, there I was on 700 East 2300 South, which if you know where I live isn't anywhere close to my place. I was down there shopping. I was gathering my things, I had my cell phone, my ipod, some papers, my wallet, I had everything. I stepped out of my car and shut and locked the door, only to realize I had forgotten something in my car. Clearly I didn't have it all, I was missing my keys. Now I knew where they were, they were nicely locked inside my car! From the window I could see them sitting on the seat.

This just basically ruined my day! I tried breaking into the car, someone even gave me a coat hanger. I was able to get it in the car but couldn't hit the button with it. I even called the police to see if they could help, but I was informed they aren't allowed to any more, so I had to call a lock smith. $55 later I can now drive my car once again. I would like to thank Megan, she was the only person in my phone book that got the text message that offered to help me! So thanks Megan. I didn't need any help because I had already called the lock smith, but it was nice of you to offer.

After gaining access to my car once again I was off to Smith's to do some shopping. I needed to buy some things for lunch for the next few days. While shopping I went down the pasta aisle looking for pasta sauce. I found some that was "meat flavored". It didn't have any meat in it, but it had "meat flavor". I would like to ask you, what the fuck is meat flavor. Either it has meat in it or it doesn't, how do you get "meat flavor"? I ended up buying the one with meat flavor because I like meat. I did, however, come home and make the pasta and add real meat it. It was pretty good, but who the fuck knows how you get meat flavor without having meat in it?

Also, my tongue has started peeling. This has happened to me twice over the past few weeks. And when I say peeling, I mean large chunks of skin are coming off my tongue. It isn't that I need to brush my tongue or anything because I do that daily. I even use a tongue scraper (yeah too much information). I don't know why this has happened, it doesn't hurt or anything so I am clue less. Have you ever had this problem? Should I be worried?

Hmmmm nothing more nothing less

Hmm....That is how I feel right now (if one can feel hmm). Do you ever just wonder about everything? What if this had happened, what if I do this what will happen... No not regrets or anything like that just reflection. I have been thinking a lot of my choices and the choices I have for tomorrow. Our choices are what make us up, sometimes they work out and other times they don't, yet they all build tomorrow.

I know someone that died in a car accident a few days back, his funeral was yesterday. It made me think of my own mortality. I will not be on this planet forever, I better damn well make it good while I can. He was only 25 years old, which is way too young! I started thinking about life and how one minute a person can be filled with energy and the next that energy is all gone. For me that is odd to think, I cannot understand death at all. Really I don't think anyone can understand death.

I started talking with my mom about death and I told her that I do not believe we can have the knowledge as to what happens when we die. That is something we can never know, and anyone who thinks they can is quite honestly arrogant. I have said this so many times, but I can't know what happens tomorrow, a week, a year, or when I die. What makes anyone think they can understand the end? There is no way to know the end until you get there. And once you are there that is it, there is no turning back to tell the rest of us (none that I can know about anyway).

It has also made me start to think of the randomness in life. The question is do we have a plan on this earth or are we all just here. Honestly for me it depends on the day as to which one I pick. Some days things just happen that make me think wow, something else had to help in this situation. But then there are times we things happen for no reason I can understand, so that makes me wonder if we are just here. Right now I am kind of thinking we are just here. We make choices but really it is random as to what will happen next. The choices of everyone else combined determines what will happen next. That's what scares me, no matter how hard we plan and lay out the course there will always be bumps and detours. The question becomes how do we navigate those detours without getting lost of the path or final goal? So yeah............

Clearly I should spend less time in philosophy classes, this is what they cause. Pondering questions that can never be answered, yet wanting so much to understand. That wanting to understand life is where people (Not me but other people) cling onto religion. They feel it answers the questions to their life. Maybe in the end all of the answers are correct it's just a matter of when they're correct, but really who knows?

I have made mistakes, but I have moved on.

I know I shouldn't post this and I wasn't going to write about it because really it isn't worth my time, but I felt it had to be said. Also, for those that find this blog boring this will sure liven it up (Kenny).

This year has by far been the most interesting year I have ever had. I kind of went mad for a few months there, I found a new job, and am now doing pretty well. One aspect that made it interesting was my former relationship with someone. He and I had a VERY bad break up, which I take complete responsibility for up until a few weeks back. But I do not take responsibility for any thing that has happened recently.

I will say it once again I have said and done things that are crazy. I am aware of it, learned from it, and moved on from it.

In an effort to move on I stopped speaking, emailing, texting or any of that to this person. I would also like to point out this is the first time I have posted about this person in weeks. Then one day out of the blue I get a text message from them. I didn't ask for it or give them a reason to message me. In the message it asked which Target store I worked at so he could avoid running into me. First that is just rude! Second if this person is worried about running into me then Target probably isn't the best place for you or your friends to shop. That is where I work and would like to avoid any issues that may arise.

I am also going to say that should I see any of those people in the store and they cause a problem, I will have you kicked out of the building and not allow you back. And yes I can do that. This is where I work and I am not going to let anyone fuck around with my job.

In the text he also asked about getting the deposit back for our old apartment. Which is fine, I make enough money that I am more than willing to give it back to you. If you remember I already told you I would. That being said, it is going to be awhile before you get it. I do not remember your exact mailing address. Yes there was a time when you gave it to me, but I didn't keep it. I don't want to know what it is right now because that is how accusations are brought about. So the less information we both have about each other the better.

Then yesterday I logged into my blog and noticed an anonymous comment from someone that said "Yawn". Now this person clearly didn't know that I can see who leaves anonymous comments, so I know for certain who left it. If he or anyone else would like the proof I would be happy to provide it (I will not make accusations I cannot prove). Now the comment isn't that big of a deal, but once again it is quite rude. It just wasn't called for and I am at a loss as to why it was left by this person. Once again I haven't spoken to them in weeks or made any contact with them so I have no idea where it came from. I also must ask the question, if my blog is boring why read it?

Now neither of these things are that big of a deal. However, I wish we both could remember that there was a time when we liked one another. I know that time has passed and can NEVER happen again. The choices we both have made have lead us to the position we are now in and we must live with that. I have stopped all my bullshit and have moved on. I have nothing but good things to say about this person and wish him well with his future endeavors. He is an intelligent person and will go far. I just hope one day he can remember that we did like each other at some point in time.

I don't deserve to be treated like an asshole now or ever. Just as you do not deserve to be treated that way either. I am sorry for anything I have done to you. I know that doesn't make it right and is not enough for you to forgive me, but I do hope that is enough for both of us to stop the bullshit and move on.

First review

So this Friday I got my first review from Target. Every executive I worked with or trained me got to review me. We also got to review each other in our learning group and all the other executives. The other executives said I was good at driving change, meaning I can get people do what I need them to. They also said I am good at thinking critically and building trust. All of which are really good. The other people in my group said similar things. The one recurring comment my group gave me was that I am "all knowing" (and not in a bad way). They felt that I was someone that if they had a question they could come to me and I would know the answer. I thought that was pretty good, because that is something I strive to do is know as much as I can. That is something I did at the hotel, I could answer almost any question. They also said I was great at articulating a message. Most of my review was positive. There was one thing that wasn't.

Someone in my group said that I "need to learn to value diversity". That one pissed me off! My group was filled with middle aged white males or females. I was the youngest and the only one that was different. Now I never came out and said I'm a homo, but it is clear sometimes. There was another gay guy I met and he and I got a long great and talked a lot. I honestly don't know how they could think that I don't value diversity. I am the only diverse one in the group. So I think they were completely off with that comment. I also was told that I need become comfortable with ambiguity. Which I completely disagree with, if something is unclear I want to look at it and find out as much as possible. They are right, I am not ok with things that are unclear and never will be.

For the most part the review was very positive, it was that one comment that I was confused with. But like someone told me that if that is the impression I give off then clearly I need to work on something. And they are probably right, I do not value mormons I guess that could be why I don't value diversity.

I'm a blood clot!

So how many Target Executives does it take to clean a shelf? 8, 7 to watch and 1 to clean the shelf (Not even joking).

Today I did something that was quite interesting, we got to comp shop other stores in the area. We went to a Walmart and a Best Buy. It's kind of funny, every where we go we all match. We have the red shirts and khaki pants on. We have even been called a blood clot because we only move in a large group of red. So while walking through Walmart and Best Buy we got some odd looks. At Walmart people even asked us if we worked there or if we could help them. Clearly Walmart needs to hire some more people if their customers have to ask Target staff for help. Walmart also has learned a few things from Target. They are now offering "Trend Runs" in some newer Walmarts. They have brought in a few designers to appeal to a higher end market, which is what Target does.

Today I learned that Target is the store that sets the prices in the market for many similar items found at both stores. We set our price then others like Walmart will go a few cents under our price. And when I saw a few cents that is all it is. Of the items we looked at they were either the same price or Walmart was 2 cents less. Really Walmart isn't offering much savings. I also learned that Best Buy has one of the largest shrink problems in retail. Because of the items and the numbers of staff that go through their stores, employee theft is very high.

I start training at a few more stores on Monday, I will also find out my official assignment on Friday. If you ever pop into a Target let me know, I may be there. I have been to most of them so you never know where I might be.

Executive Payroll

We have looked over payroll over the past few days. Payroll is one the largest items in the store that is controllable, so it affects your bottom line the most. I noticed one thing about the payroll that I found quite interesting. Of the money that is spent in payroll much of it goes to pay an elite 10, rather than the 250 + hourly employees. The 10 executives in the building make about half as much money as the 250+ hourly employees make. For example in a month the 250 hourly employees could be paid 100K distributed between all of them, while the executives will have 50K distributed between 10 people. I can't say that is all my money or anything like that because that does include the main store manager who makes quite a bit of money. On average the executives will make about $5000 (+/- depending on position) a month in salary, while each hourly member would only make about 400 a month (these are not exact numbers). You do also have to keep in mind that the stores do employ a lot of part time hourly employees who work as cashiers and things like that so that does change the numbers.

But I find it really interesting the distribution of money. If you are an hourly employee you aren't making much. If you paid 20 executives they would make about as much as 250 hourly employees make. I do feel bad because there are people making that money that have families to support. While my biggest concern is buying an Audi A4 (which I will have soon). At the same time all of the choices we make lead to where we are at now. I guess I made one right move somewhere in the past and I don't have to be one of the 250 hourly employees any more. I guess this is my socialist side coming out, because the distribution of wealth is quite skewed. But I guess this is where reality meets theory. In theory I would love to help support everyone so people are equal, but in reality we are all concerned with ourselves first. Yes that is selfish, but that is reality!

Are you a dog?

I have been through a lot of training the last three weeks. From this training I have learned that you must immediately reward workers for doing good things and correct those that do bad things. The funny thing is this is the same thing that is done to train dogs. I have a friend who has a puppy. We were at his place and the dog did some good things so he rewarded him. The dog also started barking so he had to correct him. This is essentially what I get paid to do. I am paid to correct behavior both good and bad. It is kind of sad that the training goes back to how you train a dog though.

Today I also had to do something that sucked. At Target they have some nice furniture. Target also likes to change their stock quite frequently so they can always have fresh and trendy items. There is a really nice desk set at the store that I wanted to buy. The sad thing is they were all sold out and we aren't carrying them any more. The sad thing is I had to destroy a perfectly good piece of furniture. A piece of furniture that I would have gladly paid for. But because it was a display piece it had to be destroyed. I had a to watch a REALLY nice desk get destroyed in the compactor. It was perfectly fine they just don't want any liability issues or theft issues. I wish they would donate those things though rather than destroy them.

But such is life, some times the things we want have to be destroyed! I'm sure I will find a desk set that I like just as much or I can go online and buy the one I wanted. So I will have to see what I can find.